It's so weird being here. We have had many struggles and I can't help but feeling like I'm treading water just trying to stay afloat. Some days I am so tired of swimming I think I can't go on one more day or move any farther and then I will get a break like a back float. A chance to catch my breath and just enjoy being. I don't gain a lot of ground on my back but at least I stop struggling and just enjoy.
It has become frustrating because I feel like one minute I can handle every frustration calmly with a smile and with grace and then the next second I am snapping at everyone and acting totally harsh and crazy. I hate it so much. This is not who I want to be. I guess your sin will find you out though. My proverbial bottle has been shaken and out spills craziness!
I try to feel thankful for the things that go well. Like being thankful that Nia is feeling better and sleeping better, yet Thailie is now very sick. So then I feel like, "Really?! Is two healthy kids too much to ask for?!"
I know that I am not seeking the Lord and trusting in Him alone. So it is very foolish to even be surprised by my struggles. The verses everyone put together for me from DG has been really helpful. They have been so encouraging and help recenter me each day. I need to fix my eyes on Jesus daily!
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